I am so sorry I have not written in so long. To be honest, I have been happy and have not felt the need to use this as a release for my depression. That mixed with finals, graduation, and vacations, this blog has gotten away from me.
I hope you all are doing well and that you all are finding ways to release your anguish the same way I have. With that being said, I really would like to address one thing that has really been bothering me. Growing up. Let’s face it. As a college graduate, it sucks, but when I was a kid, all I wanted to do was grow up. I wanted to be older. I was always trying to rush life and I am sure I am not alone. I was babysitting some of the sweetest, most fun kids I have ever encountered. The oldest one who was nine and a half was dying to be called a teen. I did not inquire as to why, I merely laughed and said “Don’t grow up too quickly!” The mom agreed and laughed along with me.
It bothers me that society pushes us to grow up much quicker than we need to. We are always striving to be older, prettier, skinnier, stronger, etc. Why? Why do we need to be anything different than who we were meant to be? I hate to bring my personal spiritual beliefs into this, but I believe that some sort of higher power made us how we are. Why would they make us in a poor fashion so that we would struggle our whole lives to be something “better”. Why are we never good enough as is? I am not trying to say that we should be lazy and not try to be nicer, more caring individuals because striving to be the best we can be, and treating others with the utmost respect, is important to an extent. I just believe that it should not consume our whole being. When will we realize we are good enough? When will I realize that I am good enough? It is a super shitty process to be honest, but I am assuming it just takes time. I am 22 years old now and still cannot stand how I look physically and still do not believe I am worthy of a quarter of the praise I receive. It is hard to have this much self-hatred, but it is what I deal with on a daily basis. I did not write this for compliments and praise. For anyone who knows me, you know that I hate compliments. I feel awkward taking them and I never believe them, no matter who says them. I do not like being lied to (not that anyone does like being lied to) and I feel like all compliments are lies.
Continuing on, I want to be the unbiased individual to tell you that you are perfect just as you are. You do not have to grow up to be the perfect version of yourself. You are perfect in your current stated. You are perfect being who you are and doing what you do right now as you are. I hope hearing this may spark something in you, just as I am waiting for a spark in me to get rid of all of the self hatred I constantly feel for myself. Maybe try complimenting yourself and see how that goes for you. I believe in you. For those of you self-loathing, we can get through this together and learn to love the part of life we are at right now. Teamwork makes the dream work, so let’s go team. Cheers to not growing up too fast, and loving who we are in this very moment!