Thank you.

“Parenting is a thankless job.”

My mom was completely right when she said that to me last night. And I feel awful for not thanking my parents more. I recently have been feeling like a parent to multiple people, and normally I do not mind being the parent. I often willingly take people under my wings in order to help them out and be a mentor in the way many people took me under their wings when I was younger. I feel it is the least I can do; pass on the help and support that I received, to others.

Despite my love for helping people and wanting to support them in the best way I can, lately it has been wearing on me. I am truly realizing that parenting, and helping others is truly a thankless job. With this being said, I am still extremely passionate about becoming a school psychologist and being able to help others in my profession because I am determined to keep my work in a professional setting; not to affect my personal life.

I feel as if it is just tough when you are being pulled in so many directions, and doing so many things, and you seem to get nothing, but be shit on. I try to help someone, I get pushed away because “I don’t know what they’re going through”. I try to just be a listener, but I get pushed away because I am not helping them or advising them. I try to do the best schoolwork that I can, but I get pushed down for not doing well enough. I do something for me, I get pushed down for being selfish. It’s like recently I cannot win. A huge part of my life is crumbling at my feet and there is nothing I can do to build it back up, or make it better. I am being criticized and called a bully for un-following people on social media. I am being bullied by people who I am supposed to be “close” do, and “do anything” for. I’m supposed to be the adult, and make adult decisions when all of the people around me are acting like children. I am so lost and confused. I am not sure what my next steps should be, so I have resorted to taking life one second at a time. One breath at a time.

Not to mention, the withdrawal symptoms from Cymbalta are killer. I never thought I would feel this awful.

I have taken enough psychology courses to know how powerful the brain is, yet I did not expect this craziness. My brain has been trying to convince me that I “need” to be on my anti-depressants because my body is so unhappy. Luckily, (because I have taken all of those psych courses) I know that this is just the brain feeling like it is needing the serotonin, when in reality, I just have to get all of the Cymbalta out of my system, and then my brain will adjust. Tricky, tricky brain! I’m not falling for your antics!

Do not get me wrong, I am not afraid to get back on them if after a few months I feel I need them, but I am going to try my hardest to get through these few months. I have a game plan and am working with my therapist to prepare for every outcome. Not only is my therapist helping me, but my parents have been super supportive, as always. Although they were weary of me getting off my meds, they have been very empathetic to the withdrawal symptoms I’ve been feeling (including vertigo, headaches, irritability, anxiety, extremely shaky hands, and excessive mood swings). They are constantly checking on me to make sure I’m okay. My boyfriend, (yes, I have found a guy who makes my heart skip a beat every time I see his name on my phone 🙂 ) has also been amazing through this whole thing. He is so understanding and I could not ask for a better partner to go through this with! So, THANK YOU! Thank you to everyone who has gone out of their way to help me (you know who you are), especially my parents since, parenting is a thankless job, and it took me going through it to realize it.Take a minute sometime this week or next, or every week if you want, to thank the people who have helped you get to where you are and survive as long as you have. Let’s make parenting and helping others a thankFUL job, instead of a thankLESS one.

Love you Mom and Dad.

Love,

Me 🙂

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