You are more beautiful than you think…

This week has been rough to say the least. Not for any particular reason, but it’s been a long four weeks, and this one is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I have been trying really hard to be positive and to try to focus on the good things in life, but I’ve gotten so bogged down by the bad that I feel like I am stuck in super sticky mud. On top of that, the withdrawal symptoms from coming off of my medication have been testing me this week. I knew that was going to happen, and I still want to get off of the medication, but that does not deny the fact that they’re a bitch to deal with. In other news, the negativity in my life is super overwhelming right now. I personally have a lot to be thankful for and that I am blessed with, and I am thankful for all of those blessings… but I am still feeling lost and alone. It’s been weeks now and I’m still feeling this way. I am ashamed to say that I am still feeling this way, and that I still think it’s because of my lack of a relationship. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be “one of those girls” who relied heavily upon another person as a companion. I never thought I would get so caught up in wanting a significant other that I would feel this alone. But, unfortunately, I am. Despite my endless amount of support from friends, family, and my therapist, I still am craving that support from a significant other. Despite this craving and want for companionship, I just do not have the time right now to commit to anyone. I cannot even handle all of the commitments I have as it is. I’m hoping eventually I will get my priorities straight and figure my shit out, but considering my acceptance to any graduate program is looking pretty unlikely, I’ve pretty much given up on being a successful human being straight out of college. I’ll just join the majority of college graduates that are scrambling to find some type of work, any type of work, regardless of whether it is in their major or not. I am just not sure guys. What am I supposed to do? For now, my plan is have a successful last semester of undergraduate classes and take everything one day at a time. I need to make more time to meditate and really do some inner work on myself. Maybe that’s the key to all of this? Maybe some higher power is telling me to focus on myself. Not to focus on anyone else, or to try to impress anyone else. I have overcome some crazy stuff in my life, and I like to think I’ve helped someone along the way as well. Maybe it’s time for me to just focus on myself, and my leadership conference tomorrow will be the perfect place to do it. So, do me and yourself a favor and focus on yourself and realize that you are more beautiful than you think, both on the inside and the out. I’m deeming tomorrow #serveyourselfsaturday and serve yourself to a whole lot of loving. And  you know what? I’ll do the same.

Love,

Me 🙂

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