I’m sure I’m not the only one who was overwhelmed by all of the “bye 2014, hello 2015” posts on all types of social media. I have to be honest. I know I have done many of those in the past, but I felt I had nothing to say that was “Facebook appropriate”. I also debated whether or not I should even write this entry pretty much all day.
I came home from vacation with my parents and best friend today, which of course was sad, but I also had to submit my first graduate school application, and deal with all of the New Year’s Eve festivities. All of that and all of the other things that I’m not thinking to write down at the moment didn’t necessarily make me want to “ring in the new year”. And yes, I know I sound like the Scrooge of life right now, and what if I am? I’m entitled to feel that way sometimes. We all are.
Regardless of my Scrooge-ness, I came home, got ready, turned in my first grad school application, and went out. And in all honesty, I had a great time! I enjoyed some wonderful conversations with people I had never met, but I do hope to meet again, and really enjoyed the time I had with my new friends. I have no regrets from tonight, and I would not change a thing.
Despite the good time I had, I still couldn’t quite be my full self tonight. I felt like part of me was not ready for 2015, and I’m not sure that part is ready yet. I don’t even know when and if that part of me will ever be ready for 2015. This year holds a lot of changes for me, and it’s super scary. I graduate undergrad this May, and may or may not get into a graduate program. If I do get into a graduate program, two of the three schools I have decided to apply to are out of state, meaning I may be moving. If I do not get into graduate school, I am in the process of applying for flight attendant positions, which will also take me out of my home state of Maryland, which I have lived in my entire 21 years of life.
Looking at all that the year 2015 has in store for me is overwhelming to say the least, but I’m trying to stay positive. One of the things I am using to keep me positive is looking back to last New Year’s Eve, and the New Year’s Eve before that, and all the New Year’s Eve’s dating back through my senior year of high school, and I look how much I have grown as a person. If anyone would have told the 18 year old me what I kind of person I would be today, I would laugh at them. And not out of disrespect, but out of mere disbelief. Yes, I have depression and anxiety. And yes, I struggle on a daily basis because of these illnesses. But yes, I do still kick ass in life. And yes, I love my life just the way it is because everything happens for a reason.
My wonderful, beautiful, hard working, strong, amazing, (etc) mother was right when she told me today, “Lissie, you come from a strong line of women. You will get through this.” I know this seems so small to whoever may be reading this post, but for some reason, this really resonated with me. I do come from a like of extremely strong women on both sides of my family, both biological and non-biological and I will get through all of this. The last 4 years have proved that, and I will continue to prove that in the future.
What I am trying to get at in a long winded manner, is no matter how hard the past year(s) was/were for you, and no matter how scary the future might seem, I can guarantee you come from a strong family somewhere down the line and YOU CAN DO THIS. If I can do it, anyone can. So, BRING IT ON 2015! WE’RE READY FOR YOU!