This week has been unusually hard. And I don’t know why.
My lack of understanding has most likely made this week even more frustrating. I feel after this week that I am just empty. And it does not help that my depression as been chirping up a storm lately. I feel so empty. Just no passion, no work ethic, nothing. The complete opposite of my actual personality.
My depression keeps telling me that I’m never going to graduate and that I’m not going to get into grad school, when I know I can do these things. I can do whatever I put my mind to, but my depression has been really pulling me down this week. I am not sure if it is because I am doing too much at one time, or if I’m not hanging with my friends, or maybe there just has not been enough sunlight. I’m not sure. But regardless, it sucks. It’s like the more I try to kick my depression to the curb, the harder it comes back fighting. I am trying to work myself off of the anti-depressants that I am on (while under a doctor’s watch), and I am determined to do it because I know that I am ready. But my depression keeps trying to pull the wool over my eyes and keep me from seeing the truth. It makes me want to scream… Like a lot…. And really loudly… While punching a pillow. Stupid depression. It’s awful. But the only way to beat it is to keep telling yourself that YES, I AM WORTH IT. And YES, I AM SUCCESSFUL. And YES, I AM GOING TO BE SOMETHING IN THIS WORLD WHETHER MY DEPRESSION LIKES IT OR NOT.
So, the point of my little rant is for those of you who are out there who are having a bad week, or a bad month, or maybe even a bad year, keep going. You will get through this, and you will be stronger because of it. I believe in you. Try your best to believe in yourself.