Now, I know that technically Thanksgiving day is over, but I just got home from work and just got the time to sit down and write.
Thanksgiving is a tough time of year for me. It is going to sound very pathetic, but three out of the four thanksgivings the past four years, I have been broken up with within the month. Yes, I know, a break up is not something to really complain over, but regardless, it makes the holiday a tough one for me. I am one of the people who, when I love, I love with my whole heart. I do not know how to keep those feelings hidden, especially when I trust you. So, the past few thanksgivings I have been left feeling like there was a part of me missing which is tough, but obviously it is something that can be overcome.
I want to touch on the fact that Thanksgiving is a tough time for many people who have lost an important part of themselves or their family. When I say lost, I mean in the sense of they are no longer in your life, as well as the sense that they are no longer on this planet. If you are like me, which I feel bad for you if you are, you sometimes find it hard to show your thankfulness when you are struggling, or in a low place. Days like today are refreshing. Sometimes they are not without tears, but those tears do not take away from the fact that YOU ARE LOVED. YOU MATTER. And YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
If you had approached me four years ago and told me there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I would have laughed in your face and told you to leave me alone. I did not believe that I would ever feel happy again. That is your depression talking. My depression tells me that shit all the time. It is still telling me I’m not pretty, I’m not worth the time to get to know me, I’m never going to find the man for me, I’m never going to get into the graduate school I want to. I’m never going to have the career I dream to have because there will always be someone better. And in a way, there will always be someone who is better than you, but there will also always be someone who is not as good as you are. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, their good traits and their not so good traits, but that should not control how you feel about yourself. I have let my depression tell me I am not good enough for too damn long, and honestly I’m tired of it. I’m sorry. I’m getting off topic now. Basically, I want to be one of the people you can trust when I say, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just because you cannot see it now, does not mean it is not there. Let today be a reminder of how beautiful you are, and how many people are thankful for you. Be refreshed with a new sense of confidence knowing that there are countless people who you are thankful for you because, with even the smallest gesture, you have changed them for the better.